May 10, 2009
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Falling in Love: Why do we do it?
I ran across this article, which has some interesting things to say about why we fall in love.
I'm pretty sure the article was written by a girl, because I don't think many men would come up with this answer. What answer, ok, if you don't want to read it, I'll tell you. "Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness." Are there other reasons for falling in love? According to this article, yes, but you won't like them.
Also, a quote from the end was quite interesting: "We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things...." If you're super-ugly, that can hurt you, but being attractive doesn't help all that much. Kindness is the most important thing, according to this article.
Why do you fall in love? Because it feels good? Because it's fun? Because anything else is boring? Is the article right? Why?
Comments (11)
Good question -- I have no idea. But I've only fallen in love once, so maybe I wouldn't be able to answer definitively even if I had a clue... I didn't read the article because I'm just barely conscious right now (I will read it in the morning), but I can tell you that I don't (personally) see a connection with being effective, or increasing my abilities.
Then again, I've never been much of a fan of people who try to define and explain love, so... Maybe I wouldn't really give the article a chance as I'm reading it.
@IfonEarth -
I think the author explained it in a scientific way that is hard to relate to......I think a different way would be something like, "he is so cool!!!" and then he is nice to you then you fall in love. People fall in love with cool people. But ok ok I will let you read it first, before further commenting on your comment.
kindness IS actually an integral thing which increased my good feelings for someone i was going out with. but there are some people who are attracted to diabolical people, too. sometimes, those people do diabolical things 'to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness" lol. it's sort of like a selfish synergy?
@phantomFive - Yeah, I'm really not that big a fan of that article. I think people who try to explain love away and break it down to it makes sense are trying too hard. The thing is, when you fall for someone, you often can't explain why you fell for him/her. You just... Do. It isn't any specific characteristic, usually -- it's more... Well, that in this case, the whole is greater than the sum of its constituent parts.
@IfonEarth -
Yeah, I agree, I think he is somehow missing the core of love. I disagree that there is no reason, however; there's always a reason, but sometimes it's hard to explain in words.
because its fun and because its inescapable for me.
a boy i knew once told me love was bad lighting and good pheremones...i thought i loved him for a very long time...he was average degrees of pretty, was not particularly kind, but knew and a great deal about the beatles, green eyes, and had ridiculous hair....i blame the hair personally
@Selissa -
Sounds like a miserable situation.
We fall in love because we need to feel needed. We need to feel protected and cared for. We are all too aware that no one is unique, but we pray that one person picks us out from the rest and insists we are special.
Something like that?
I don't agree with the article...its too...perfect world.
M
@sonnigenmai -
I don't think so though, I am not looking for someone who needs me, I'm looking for a partner.
I don't really agree with the article either, but I like hearing different viewpoints.
@phantomFive - Different viewpoints only extend our own